Turning Tables.

I can't give you what you want.
and you can't give me what I need.

I need a light.
someone to guide me through my own mind.
someone to rely on.
someone to truly help me.

and perhaps you used to be that to me.
but no more.
no more no more no more.
move along, fight through.

it's a tough thing to become your own savior.
to have to blast through walls of resentment and fury solely in an effort to recreate that resentment and fury within the self.
I'm perfectly capable of helping myself.
I won't let you close enough to hurt me.

for what seems like forever,
in an effort of course to recreate the past,
I've been abused.
battered.
smashed.
and this is my final stand.
draw your scythe and I'll pull my sword.

our relationship prepared me.
our past inspires me.
our future destroys me.

and oh how I try.

but I can't keep up.
one swift blow to end it all.
a quick forced palm into the chest.
and I fall.
again I fall.

again I fall for you and again I fall for our trap.

you don't deserve me.
you don't respect me.
you don't love me.

but you have me.