Espresso Stories of December!

At that moment he felt more uncomfortable than a Jain in a Purell factory.

‎"Someday," He told her, "I'll paint this wall." It was only now that she realized that at that time he had already known that he would be the paint.

“I’m still going strong,” She said at her final AA meeting, “Because the show goes on. And it isn’t my death scene, yet."

Jesus, Jesus, please, give me a sign!"

And thunder smashed and the clouds billowed above her head as a booming voice shouted out, "I AM A SAGITTARIUS"

Are you sure you don't want a cat?"

"No, I am absolutely horrid with animals,"

"Now come on, I'm certain you aren't that bad,"

"I had a pet rock once. It died."

‎"Look, I used to have a cactus. It died in nineteen days. I'm poisonous, and you'd better get out."

And it's true every time: I come for you but I stay for me.

Don't tell me how far I'll go until you know how far I've come.

‎"You know, you really taught me how to believe in love." "Yeah, well, you really taught me how to believe in reality."

I don't need to break in to see inside; there's only so much in that glass mind.

“You’re leaving the Brazilian summer to go to a Chicago winter?” “ Yeah, but where I’m going is so much warmer"

I’ve never really gotten over anyone, especially myself.

She had 5 hours of testing in front of her and she spent her time preparing in the back of a bar getting wasted.

every sunday they stole their parents liquor cabinets and bathed in the alcohol content, listening to spanish opera all the while

Her mouth mouth said no, and her body continued this notion by punching him in the face repeatedly until he fell to the floor unconscious.

It spent her 5 hours, and in the end all she had to show of it was, "Plants are nice. They are often green. In conclusion, plants."

She named her child Manifest because everyone deserved a destiny.

‎"Is love supposed to hurt?"

"I wouldn't know, I've never been in love. I have been hit by a car however, and that hurt."

‎"I'm leaving." His sudden announcement metaphorically bodyslammed her into the wall, right before her mixed martial-arts training literally bodyslammed him into the wall. Either way, he could've had the decency to stick around and help pick up the pieces.

‎"TANKS!"

"Don't mention it."

She was the kind of girl that walked through the zoo thinking, "We all want to be free"

She spent her life reaching for rainbows, and she died in the arms of a man dressed like a unicorn.

She stayed up till 5 in the morning watching and re-watching The Notebook, and she wondered if she had an addiction to helpless love stories.

‎"It smells like weed in here."

"Weed. Like, as in grass? Like freshly cut grass? Well then, I don't really know because we weren't cutting grass at all."

He's the type of gay who woke up one morning, said, 'Shit, let's try liking dick today!' and never looked back.

He knew he had trouble falling asleep when he tried to imagine sheep jumping over a fence, and they ran head first into the fence instead.

She was 94 and one/eights years old, and her will stated she wanted all of her items and possessions to be put into storage forever, because she was a dick that way.

She signed all her cards XIO; kisses, boners, and hugs.

---Lynn, Patti, Christie, Julie

Expresso Stories of November

"i remember" he always said but he always never knew what he was supposed to remember

every promise he made was over a bottle of beer, so it really wasn't a surprise when he died from alcohol poisoning.

When she got the phone call that her mother was dead she really didn’t know what to expect, let alone the voice over the receiver telling her that she died attempting to stop a burglary with a sack of bagels and a sharp-wit.

the smell of sharpie never fades away, though the locker has long since been cleaned and painted over.

His hugs felt exactly how love should feel, and she couldn't help but laugh at the irony as she wished her ex-jail mate well before they carted her off to the death sentence.

Peter realized his day would be off-kilter when he was complimented on what a wonderful Drag Queen he would make.

It was a cold day - a Sunday - as she promised everything in the world to him, but she never ate a morsel, and he never ended up with what he wanted.

He - she? - existed only through google searches and even then the right answer wasn't always found.

A mixed chorus of "awww"s and "ewww"s echoed behind him as he leaned over the car door to kiss his boyfriend. He couldn't care less.

With a sort of dislocated interest she realized she grew up with these girls and on her better days she couldn't even remember their names, let alone any withstanding memories before the accident.

On 11:11 of 11/11/2011, she wished that she would live to see another 11:11 11/11/11 come along. She died one century later at 11:12pm.

Her legs were shaking as she walked to the door, but her hand was steady as she flipped him the bird.

Whenever he said goodbye, he walked backwards because he knew whatever he was leaving was beautiful and he couldn't take his eyes away.

"Am I destined to die?"

"We're all destined to die, you know. Whether it be from gunshot or cancerous tumor."

"I never expected it to be both,"

"Me neither."

Her favourite flowers were the Winter Wildflowers because they bloomed at midnight and she liked the adventure.

“It’s just algebra,” He said, steadily taking off his pants.

She turned to leave, “I don’t remember learning that one plus one equals one in math class.”

He took out a condom, “At least it won’t equal three."

He was a one man circus, always on the trapeze, the audience cheering for him to fall.

She could only kiss when drunk, because nobody intoxicated her enough to do otherwise.

Once a month she could use tampons as swords; she could fight off an army of dicks just by claiming she was already stabbed.

If I said all I need in life was you, that would be a lie, cause it takes a lot of food and water to keep me alive enough to love you this much.

She knew she should stop listening to Adele when depressed because breaking down into sobs on the school bus was not only awkward to explain, but extremely embarrassing.

‎"When I said I wanted the love of my life to elbow their way into my life, this wasn't what I expected," She cried as she held her broken nose carefully in the hospital waiting room.

Their bodies were huge but their love was skinny.

"I'm an asshole with a low IQ, an addiction to drinking and cigarettes, and the largest sex drive this side of the Mississippi. I know what true love is."

The music was loud but their screams were louder as the shower head turned on.

We’re a fairytale, but I’m no princess.

Home was a cramped apartment filled with the violent sounds of dreams being shattered--so even though she was reduced to a crawling, dancing, self loathing “professional” every night around her pole, she did anything not to click together her bright red pumps.

they told him that no one should have to bury this parents alone but he wasn't sure if their presence was comforting or suffocating.

All I wanted was to wish them a Happy Thanksgiving, thought Bob, laying on the table as the Turkeys laid out their silverware.

The rope was 60 feet, the fall 45, and she wondered which would kill her first.

Her grandmother used all the oxygen in her lungs to blow out her 89th birthday candles, and she died face-planting into the cake.

Their hats had fake curls attached at the sides, but the jewish-side of his family at least appreciated the gesture

The marching band spelled out the four-word phrase as he dropped down to one knee, she knew band-geeks made the best husbands

Every argument they ever entered into was settled with a game of beer-pong, with the loser having to go out to buy aspirin the next morning.

Looking into his eyes was like staring down a shed cicada shell. He was dead, she was empty, it was over.

I love you the way the buttered side of the toast loves the ground. Maybe it's messy, but it's something I can always count on.

Her bruises took weeks to heal, but he was still the cutest source of domestic abuse.

--- Julie, Christie, Patti, Lynn